For some reason, I prefer blog to express the hell out of me. I love writing, although I know people might not have interest of what's going on with my life. Just, WTH? As you know, the school holiday had just begun. I also having my semester break. I don't have any particular event, or anything. I kind of a family-person kind of girl. I stayed home like a lot. Due to that, people rarely notice me as someone that they could rely on. I don't blame them. I might have a slight of heart-ache, sometimes, but I really don't blame them. Really! Really? Hmmm... don't know for sure.
I am going to tell the truth about what's going on now. You see, I rarely have best friend. And only have several friends that can be labelled as 'best friend' and 'close friend'. Whenever I go, I will try my best to visit her, and at least have dinner together. But, things had changed since her break-up. We rarely contact each other, not even on FB! I was a bit worried about her since her ex keep calling me asking about her. And of course, I would back her up, even she's way wrong! But the thing is, she don't give me much to tell. I called her on her birthday last year, which was on April. She was celebrating, I think and I couldn't get the best of our conversation. I left a long message on her FB, asking her to reply or call me back, or at least arrange a meet-up later, but NEVER!
On August, I was having a blast on my birthday, celebrating it with hubby and housemate. I keep on checking my FB's wall looking for her post, but NOTHING IS THERE! I smiled a little when I received a text message from her, wishing me a happy birthday and a slight of personal message wrote as, "kau marah aku lagi ke mek?". My ego is as high as the mountain, but I sincerely reply, "yes. dah banyak bulan aku tunggu explaination kau. and dalam banyak2 wishes, kau punya la yang aku tunggu2!". Too direct, right? But best friend are suppose to be direct! We are like sisters (back then!). But, NOTHING IS HAPPENING! No phone call, no meeting up!
It goes about a year. And this year, I don't even wish her a birthday. I bare in mind that she would notice about me not wishing her, but hell no! The truth is, this is hurting me!
Last Saturday (25th May 2013), she got engaged. I just found out about it not until yesterday on FB. That is not even a private engagement ceremony. She got all her best friends coming over, and I don't even get an invitation! Not even a phone call. Ya Allah, aku tahu bahawa orang yang berkecil hati lebih berdosa dari orang yang mengecilkan hati orang, tapi sedihnya bukan kepalang. Aku sangat sedih. Entah! Rasa semua tak kena. :'( Dia dah berubah, that's for sure!
Mungkin aku pun bukan sahabat yang baik. Aku tahu dan aku sedar. Aku memang tak berapa reti berkawan, terutama dengan perempuan. Aku masih tak berapa boleh faham kenapa perempuan-perempuan boleh berkawan baik? Tak nampak bondnya di situ! Entah.
Dan aku pun tak tahu macam mana nak coretkan lagi. Apa-apa pun, aku kena teruskan juga melangkah. But, now I really know where I stand! Maafkan aku Ya Allah sebab tak redha dengan ketentuan-Mu! Dugaan sekecil ni pun aku dah rasa goyah, apatah lagi dugaan-dugaan lain? Aku redha. Kuatkan aku. Semoga aku dah tak sebut tentang perkara ini lagi.
Case closed. Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih kerana telah meminjamkan dia dan keluarganya kepada aku. =)