Case closed.

As-salam 

For some reason, I prefer blog to express the hell out of me. I love writing, although I know people might not have interest of what's going on with my life. Just, WTH? As you know, the school holiday had just begun. I also having my semester break. I don't have any particular event, or anything. I kind of a family-person kind of girl. I stayed home like a lot. Due to that, people rarely notice me as someone that they could rely on. I don't blame them. I might have a slight of heart-ache, sometimes, but I really don't blame them. Really! Really? Hmmm... don't know for sure. 

I am going to tell the truth about what's going on now. You see, I rarely have best friend. And only have several friends that can be labelled as 'best friend' and 'close friend'. Whenever I go, I will try my best to visit her, and at least have dinner together. But, things had changed since her break-up. We rarely contact each other, not even on FB! I was a bit worried about her since her ex keep calling me asking about her. And of course, I would back her up, even she's way wrong! But the thing is, she don't give me much to tell. I called her on her birthday last year, which was on April. She was celebrating, I think and I couldn't get the best of our conversation. I left a long message on her FB, asking her to reply or call me back, or at least arrange a meet-up later, but NEVER! 

On August, I was having a blast on my birthday, celebrating it with hubby and housemate. I keep on checking my FB's wall looking for her post, but NOTHING IS THERE! I smiled a little when I received a text message from her, wishing me a happy birthday and a slight of personal message wrote as, "kau marah aku lagi ke mek?". My ego is as high as the mountain, but I sincerely reply, "yes. dah banyak bulan aku tunggu explaination kau. and dalam banyak2 wishes, kau punya la yang aku tunggu2!". Too direct, right? But best friend are suppose to be direct! We are like sisters (back then!). But, NOTHING IS HAPPENING! No phone call, no meeting up!

It goes about a year. And this year, I don't even wish her a birthday. I bare in mind that she would notice about me not wishing her, but hell no! The truth is, this is hurting me! 

Last Saturday (25th May 2013), she got engaged. I just found out about it not until yesterday on FB. That is not even  a private engagement ceremony. She got all her best friends coming over, and I don't even get an invitation! Not even a phone call. Ya Allah, aku tahu bahawa orang yang berkecil hati lebih berdosa dari orang yang mengecilkan hati orang, tapi sedihnya bukan kepalang. Aku sangat sedih. Entah! Rasa semua tak kena. :'( Dia dah berubah, that's for sure!

Mungkin aku pun bukan sahabat yang baik. Aku tahu dan aku sedar. Aku memang tak berapa reti berkawan, terutama dengan perempuan. Aku masih tak berapa boleh faham kenapa perempuan-perempuan boleh berkawan baik? Tak nampak bondnya di situ! Entah. 

Dan aku pun tak tahu macam mana nak coretkan lagi. Apa-apa pun, aku kena teruskan juga melangkah. But, now I really know where I stand! Maafkan aku Ya Allah sebab tak redha dengan ketentuan-Mu! Dugaan sekecil ni pun aku dah rasa goyah, apatah lagi dugaan-dugaan lain? Aku redha. Kuatkan aku. Semoga aku dah tak sebut tentang perkara ini lagi.

Case closed. Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih kerana telah meminjamkan dia dan keluarganya kepada aku. =)

P2: My side of story - E-Day at Sungkai

As-salam

Oke, part 2 pulak ye? Hehe. Nampak sangat bosan kan? The next day, Nadia bawa aku dan Mak Su berjalan-jalan ke Kolam Air Panas Sungkai. Memang cantik! Nadia cakap dulu air lagi panas, sebelum tempat ni dibuka ke public. Kiranya sebelum dikomersialkan la. Harga masuk ke dalam kolam ni RM12.00 per person ya? Tapi, nasib ada Nadia. Dapat 50% OFF! sebab I.C alamat Sg. Kelah. Kiranya, orang tempatan dekat kawasan pusat rekreasi ni dapat specialty la sikit. Weeee!! 

Aku memang highly recommed tempat ni untuk family gathering or untuk bersantai dengan kawan-kawan. Ada kawasan 'private jakuzi' yang boleh disewa khas untuk mereka-mereka yang gemarkan privacy.

Enjoy pictures, ya? ^ ^

Nadia dan Mak Su 

Perhiasan je kot air panas bertingkat ni? HAHA

Berendam sat lepas penat bekerja. Kolam air panas

Tengok je orang rebus telur

Kolam air sejuk

Kolam air sejuk - kawasan dalam

HAHA macam baru kenal je kan? Poyo sikit.
(YAYA, MAK SU, NADIA)

Ke tempat parking naik train je.

Best duduk Sungkai! Macam-macam ragam depan mata. Aku niat ke Sungkai lebih awal dari tarikh majlis pun untuk tolong-tolong buat apa yang patut. Kerja dengan opah-opah ni memang best! Ada yang melatah, gosip-gosip, sindir-sindir... memang benda biasa la tu. Tapi, bila depa berkias-kias tu yang lawak. HAHA. Kiranya, suasana kerja tu seronok la. Tak stress kerja walaupun kerja memang banyak. Tok pun jenis tak cerewet, so aku kerja jadi ikhals dan seronok.

Nadia bawa aku dan Mak Su berjalan-jalan ke Pekan Sungkai. Pergi pasar pagi je, beli bahan-bahan mentah untuk masak tengahari tu dan rasa nasi lemak Sungkai yang sedap! Woohoo! Sempat rembat pallazo kelabu sehelai. Cap pasar pagi pun jadi la. Janji murah dan sedap pakai. Nadia dan adik dia, Ijat gemar makan bakar-bakar ni. So, menu bakar la today. Daging dan ikan bakar. Memang tradisional. Batu-bata jadi para dapur. Aku tukang tengok je la. Tak mahu ganggu air tangan tukang masak. HEHE. Makan pula lepas berendam, memang lahap sikit! HOHO.

What I learnt there? 

Orang kampung memang friendly! Aku suka suasana kat situ. Pergi mana-mana je kenal semua orang, bertegur sapa, salam-salam. Nampak bahagia sangat! Macam ni baru betul hidup bermasyarakat! Aku tak rasa hidup macam ni sebab hidup pun pindah-randah. Duduk dalam kem pun jiran sentiasa silih ganti. So, bounds between neighbors kurang la sikit. Pindah Laguna pun jiran majmuk yang golongan muda semuanya. Masing-masing sibuk dengan kerja. Jiran belakang rumah pun kami tak kenal. Hmmm... rasa macam looser sangat! Aku tak adalah proud born as a bandar people. Tapi, tidak lah rasa menyesal. Semuanya ada pro dan kontra. Cuma, dalam situasi aku yang makan gaji sebagai cikgu ni kena pandai hidup bermasyarakat dan kena pandai bawa diri. Itu sangat perlu. Boleh jatuh hukum wajib pandai bawa diri la.

Sesetengah orang mungkin anggap hidup di kampung ni tak bebas. Pergi sana sini semua orang kenal. Buat jahat sikit, satu kampung tahu. Kiranya, gosip cepat tersebar la. Hmm.. sebenarnya, di mana-mana pun sama saja. Yang penting, kita kena pandai bawa diri, jaga tingkah laku dan air muka sendiri dan keluarga. Bandar dan kampung pun lebih kurang sudah. Kalau dulu kampung sinonim dengan agenda 'asap-mengasap', 'tiup sana-sini'. Sekarang ni, orang bandar pun sama juga. Macam aku cakap tadi, ada pro dan kontra. Tapi, kalau tanya aku, aku prefer duduk kampung kot? Tapi bukan really kampung la. Macam small moving town gitu. Outskirt. 

Kalau berkesempatan, nak ke Sungkai lagi. Tok dah janji nak bawa berkelah kat air terjun pula. Tok nak masak bekal untuk bawa ke sana. HEHE. Happy happy happy! In Sha Allah. Doa semoga umur tok panjang. Seronok kalau tok aku macam ni. Tradisional aje. Tak kisah pun rumah selerak ke apa. Best!  Harapnya, kalau umur aku panjang, aku pun boleh jadi tok macam tok Nadia ni. Adore sangat!

Kita tak tahu rahsia Allah S.W.T, apa perancangannya terhadap kita. Kadang-kadang kita merungut bila ditariknya sesuatu nikmat, tapi sebenarnya itu adalah yang terbaik buat kita. Allah S.W.T have bigger plan for us, so have faith. Kalau kita terus beranggapan begini, In Sha Allah semua urusan akan menjadi mudah.

In Sha Allah :)

Atas nama BFF, mesti pergi ^ ^

As-salam

Selalu orang pilih Facebook, or Twitter nak luahkan perasaan kan? Tapi, aku sangat2 prefer Blog dari those things 'cause banyak boleh hurai with much less people know about this. Oh, sangat2 super excited bila BFF sorang ni dah nak bertunang! Auuww! ^ ^ Alhamdulillah! Super excited sampai tak sabar gile tunggu esok nak beli tiket bas and tudung nak match dengan baju kurung baru! I don't care if now tengah sengkek pun, BFF punya pasal, apa pun boleh. Yes, since dah tak ada kawan baik ni, of course la super free!

Memang Allah S.W.T nak panjangkan jodoh dengan previous BFF. Boleh pula terserempak dekat RNR Bukit Gantang masa on the way balik dari KL. Agak terkejut sampai tak tahu nak responds macam mana. But then, no heart feeling. We adults, move on instead of cry like a baby. Masing-masing cari life sendiri. It seems like she can't find her way out just yet. Tak habis protes lagi. Luckily, I manage to escape from the craziness. Pray for her too. I really miss my old BFF, honestly.

Dah tak mau episod duka-duka dalam diary aku for awhile. Cukup sudah makan hati, oke? Masa berjimba pulak. Tak sabar sangat nak pi shoping esok. Hopefully still ada duit untuk dihabiskan esok! Aaauuuuw! Just, I wish Hubby boleh ada sama. Hehe tapi macam mustahil aje. Nak tidur rumah anak dara, mana boleh bawa hubby? HAHA.

Aku sembang hati-ke-hati dengan mama tadi, nyatakan betul2 hasrat aku nak attend Majlis Tunang BFF baru tu. Aku cakap, BFF personally invite aku ke majlis dia. And aku sangat pasang angan-angan nak turut serta dalam majlis dia. Aku cakap, "Tirah mana ada BFF lagi ma? Tu sorang je buat masa ni. BFF lama dah tutup buku dah, kot?". Entah! Aku pun tak tahu sama ada BFF lama masih anggap aku ni BFF dia atau tidak. Pedulikan! So, mama terus agreed! Best giler! Rasa macam nak terlepas stering kereta masa tu. Aku terus taip mesej nak hantar ke BFF, tapi mama pukul tangan. "Drive la dulu!", marah mama.

Ah, tak kisah la nak kena naik bas banyak kali pun. Aku tak nampak benda ni sebagai burden sebab aku willingly nak join majlis dia. So, semuanya nampak mudah dan tak memenatkan di mata aku. Memang betul la orang cakap, 'bila ikhlas, semua jadi mudah!'.

HAHA. Happy happy happy! TQ ALLAH for sending her to me!

Tak tahu tuan punya badan izinkan atau tidak upload gambar tunang nanti ^ ^ HEHE!

Aku dah sedar diri. Terima kasih.

As-salam

Alahai, sejak bila entri BM ni? HAHA. BI leceh sikit nak karang-marang. Sekarang mood 'kasi tibai' je, janji ada entri. HAHA. Aku tulis aje banyak 'HAHA', tapi hati ni tak ada siapa yang tahu. Dah berbulan-bulan berlalu sejak peristiwa tu. Aku still tunggu penjelasan dari dia tentang, Kenapa boleh jadi macam tu?, Apa yang dah berlaku?, Kenapa korang break?, dll, tapi hampa hampas teh sangat! Aku berharap, terus terang la aku cakap. Tapi sekarang ni, aku dah sedar diri. Aku dah berhenti berharap, betul. Sebab, aku sendiri dah tak tahu banyak benda tentang kau. Cara pembawakan diri kau pun dah nampak beza, like I don't know you anymore, so, that's it!

We are not more than just a childhood friend. Fullstop.

We used to be A-Z!

But now, it's just like this one. 

Masing-masing dah besar and matang, so we lead our own path. Still, no heart feeling, sebabnya manusia datang dan pergi. If this turns to be like this, then so obvious that you no longer need me in your life. Fine by me.

I have something to tell you, deary.

"I have always cherish the moments of us together. You're in my world ever since I am just an ugly fat kid. You've been in all my ups and downs. Thank you for that. I think you knew me enough. Just, not well enough. We did made time for that, but we didn't bought enough times, though. Now the time had passed, we've been too far from each other that I can clearly see there's no turning back, so be it. Thank you to prove I am right, that you are not more than just my childhood best friend. No heart feeling. I can live up with all the good memories of us. Until death do us apart. Thanks."

Terima kasih. 

Time to grow up and groove.

As-salam

It's sad seeing someone used to be your best friend tend to neg-late you. Hmm.. maybe I am the one who think too much? I guess so. Like hell, I am waiting for the reply. Sign in, and eagerly to wait for it. But, still nothing. I guess, what I should really say is, 

IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON! 

GROW UP! 

DO YOUR OWN THING! 

FIND ANOTHER FRIENDS! 

BE HAPPY WITH IT! 

LET'S GROOVE!

I guess we are not more than just a childhood friends. I mean, now I see that I barely know you, for the real you. I don't know that you like Fasha Sandha so much, I don't!, you speak 'dilek' Kedahan so fluent, I don't!, how social you are and still, I am retired!, how things are in your family, I don't have a clue!, how you were during study, I barely didn't know about it!.

I think, I am the one who always stick to the pass when everybody else move on and don't hesitate to look back. Haha. Stupid me!

Have fun today.

As-salam

Sounds klise, right? Something a sporting mom usually says, "Have fun today, kids!" when her kids off to the mall or seeing friends. Haha. Most of it, not happening in Malaysia. But well anyways, the tittle is regarding to something that has been in my mind for quite something. You see, I was blog walking this morning that I put my head into a friend's blog, something about confession about how she felt lately, and a part of it is about 'MENGUMPAT'! Yes, talk bad about other people.

I admit, most of time now my friends and I usually just sit, eat and talk from a topic to another, wasting time like konon a sisterhood talk. It's okay by me, because I don't usually pay too much attention towards it and tend to forget the minute I walk away from the room, and so not my habit to retell stories to others. But, when it comes to private or privacy stuffs like so, I became annoyed that I think 'the involve person' feeling too good about itself. Like I mention in my previous entry, she talks bad, she talks back! When you talk bad about a person, the person somehow will talk bad back to you to others. And, even worse. It's as simple as that.

I believe Allah S.W.T has bigger plan for us. Maybe, he wants a person to be extremely happy about how they are today because they tend to be 'not so happy' in future. Like, when we were talking bad about a person appearance, about how fat or ugly she is and how you want people to praise your beauty, maybe Allah S.W.T had decided that the fat ugly women is going to turn out to be a married women and a mother to extremely beauty with brain child. Who knows?

What ever we are doing is not going to result now. So, be careful of every words we are saying. Do not let the words eat us, okay? This is nothing personal, but I am hoping that we all can change the way we see other people. See it positive! People judge us from what we are doing and the words coming out straight from the  mouth. Talking bad about others and feeling too good about oneself is making others see more of us - about the way we think and how conservative we are.

Maybe, whatever we were saying are all true, but it's not our job to judge people. Don't take God's job.

Thank you for giving back my strength.

As salam =)

Practicum is as busy as the bee. I am not feeling well these passed few days due to ear infection, plus the gastric and constipation. Nausea kind of my best buddy all week long. I've been to clinic. The doctor gave me some antibiotic, stomachache and constipation pills. But, it's not even close to this medicine, HUBBY #1 ! Haha.. we went out today to buy my ticket to KL next Friday, went to movie and supper. I ate a lot, like 3/4 of my bowl. It rarely happens, so considered like I eat a lot just now.

Fuh! Alhamdulillah. I am glad that I can finally feeling much better; healthier. I can't wait to finish my semester. All this hard works are making me so damn tired. All the dramas and scenes - even more tired. But, luckily dramas are over now. Some of it that happening now are not even Blockbuster, so I am glad.

Praying for all the goodness only for all of us. May Allah S.W.T bless the good deeds we did to the students. InsyaAllah.

Move the stupidity somewhere else.

As salam

I certainly am not in quite pleasant mood. I suffered from noises and lack of sleep - even if I could and should sleep like a baby. There is a time when people should pay more attention to the surrounding, of what it might speaks. People agreed to the stupidity. Yes, it's so stupid that you might want to yell the hell out of you. Sometimes, we might not even want to concern or know things, we ignored it - even if it happens right on the face, but we can't help it. The forces of the stupidity are just so strong. 

We react based on the natural and normal reaction of human being. For example, A is acting crazy and always put burdens on B, like always. What would you do? 

I am not going to answer that 'cause my answer will never change a thing. Just going to be sour face and heart-ache. For the safest method of all, I just continue to live my life, do and care for my own things - even if it's hard to do so. 

Believe me.

EGO.IS.ME. ?

As-salam

Despite of me being a housewife for the week, I am doing the home chores while watching TV. Sweeping and moping, my eyes stay at TV, except for commercials of course. On the episode of the New Girl, the best friends, Cece, happens to not-telling Jess about her hook-up with the housemate (Forgot the name!). And, Jess knows about it by accident. Well, it is pretty the same about what I am facing here. I thought this semester break will finally break me from all the heart-ache regarding this, yet, SO HOPELESS!

It is sort of my fault about not texting her to meet up. But, the thing is, I am waiting for her to text me to meet up. She's the busy one. She should text me, instead. I don't know if this is what people name as, EGOTISM. Or, EGO.IS.ME.

I thought of already loosing her. She rarely tell me anything, about what's going on in her life. I noticed it like ever, but I never speak. I only ignore. But, I guess it reaches the limit to where I cannot sit back anymore. Pity. 

To be brave, and not dependable.

As-salam

Life had  been tougher. Yes! As we grew old, challenges grew with us. And we have to stand still and strong to beat it - hard. For a growing lady as me, I can barely stand on my feet to face this. It was a mistake to tender me to bone these passed four years growing up. I became less-dependable towards my own living. This is how I find my food - 

"Hubby, I am hungry. Let's go eat. 8.00 pm sharp, okay?"

Sort of like an order. Hey, you can't really mess with hungry stomach. You could have been killed, okay? Haha. But, since I am moving out of the hostel and have my own car, I have to survive on my own. Of course it still will be teaxting going on. Just, the content will looks like this -

"Going to find something to eat. Out with housemates".

3 minutes later.

"At Dayana's now. Have you eat yet?"

15 minutes later.

"Where are you?"

LOL.

He's technically my Twitter and Facebook. I update to him. He gets the text, he knows and everything will be fine then. He has no problem with me going out and drive, I just have to take care of myself - all the basic safely thing. It's just me - I am like that. I like to update my status and location to him. And, sometimes he was like, HAHA. He never ignores me like so. 

So, good for me. ITS - I Think So.

Three days left before Friday, so stay cool and brave. Girl Power, all right? Maybe, this is when the five of us will be so close together like before ^ ^ Hope.

She talks bad, then she talks back.

As-salam 

I was one slow evening. I was acting lazy, enjoying the rest of my holiday at home. I was blog walking just now, reading entry from my dear sister, Syarah. She wrote about her high school friend, about how she misses them so much and the close friend. Things tend to change as we grew up. I noticed. I mean, friends are going separate ways. Even I did. I rarely contact my friends. But in my case, most of the friends are boys. So, it's just not nice for me to still hanging out like so anymore. For girl friends, sometimes I labelled myself as one failed friend. I don't ever hang out with them, or text. Sigh! I, for some reason am mad at myself regarding this. 

Sometimes, it is getting lonely. Yes! I rarely did the 'girl hang out' anymore. It is not like the hubby doesn't allow me to do so. Trust me, he's the sporting one. It is just me. I get jealous whenever I see girl friends hang out - and things are so okay between them. But, most of scene I've seen was sort of a fake friendship. I mean, they still hang out together, but yet can really stab each other on the back. She talks bad, then she talks back. Then, act like BFF. Damn! What is it?? That is one of kind of friendship I hate the most. 

But, it is rather that fake friendship, or being along. I rather be alone. It is not like I have no friend at all. My friends are like the fingers. You can count them and you don't forget. 

Oh, and my friends are like this. Only one hand involved. 

Hostel OR, Rumah sewa?

As-salam =)

This coming semester will be the most challenging semester of all. I, for some reason got kick-off the hostel. Hehe, not kick-off, silly. Just, it's a tradition for seniors semester 6 to be 'kick-off'. Plus, with all the silly rules, it's better if we had our butt moved. But, everything has it pros and contrasts, right? So, since today is a not-doing-anything-day, I decided to list it all. 

Here are the Pros of staying in the Hostel.

1. Safer
2. Cheaper
3. More privacy
4. Easy to go to class
5. No transportation needed
6. Lots of friend

And, here are the Pros of staying at the Rumah Sewa.

1. Rules free
2. Free to do own things

(I can only list two things here!)

Okay, I am about to go to the contrast now. Start off with, Contrast of staying in the Hostel.

1. Doesn't have the chance to go overnight (Hard to do so!)
2. Have to go with the rules
3. A warden to be taken care of (Silly!) 

Contrast of staying at the Rumah Sewa

1. High tendency of fighting and the sour-face
2. Have to consider others - housemate and roommate
3. Not so safe
4. Not enough money to pay the rent for the next coming month
5. Expanses of the transportation increases
6. Have to wake up early to go to class
7. Less privacy

It is obvious now that staying in the Hostel has so much to offer, rather than the Rumah sewa. My personal opinion regarding the matter, 

"Staying outside will teach us a lot of thing about life. It is to know a person a little deeper than ever. And, staying out really mean, you have to be much more considered about a lot of things, including the privacy part. Learn to give than to take".

Where is my Ted, Barney and Robin?

As-salam =)

The sisters always urging me to catch up with them in the TV series they have been watching. I for some reason hate to do so because I could just stuck, like so bad. But, there are series I've been stuck with these days - Walking Dead (WD) & How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM).

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

HIMYM is about a friendship of five people, start off as a friend and long couple since collage between Marshal and Lily, be friend with Ted Mosby, happened to be roomate. Then, the career start and Ted bumps on this stranger, Barney Stinson at a bar while having his heart break. Barney taught him abut how to be cool and kicks girl when he saw this TV Personality, Robin Sherbatszky. So, it's kind of went out from there until the day Ted found the mother for his children.

But, in this case, neither I nor Fendi plays the role of Ted Mosby. I look myself to more like Lily, while Fendi play more to Marshal Ericson (they seem alike too - gaining weight and double chin). No sweat, okay dear? Hehe. But in our life, there is no Ted, Barney and Robin. We are actually alone. I found a certain someone who could play the role of playboy Barney, but happened to not fit the role of 'I will always be there' Barney, OR, 'I am your friend' Barney. It is just, 'I am only going to be there when things are good' Barney. Sucks!

For Robin, maybe my best friend could go with the character, but the thing is, I don't know if I still have one. Technically, we are falling apart. And it's just for how things had changed these days. So, no Robin just yet. 

Ted Mosby, it's just hard to find one. I have not found my Robin, so technically, still no sign for Ted.

Something about their friendship that caught my attention. Robin has been dating with Ted and also Barney, yet still managed to sit around and have fun, even so personal feeling might jump over one or two. And still, being the best friend. I can hardly gather five of my friend to sit along and having fun. But, the fact is, I don't have that number of friends. Most tend to be plastic when it comes to reality. It is just me and Fendi. And yes, we do have some couples to go out with, but most of them don't last long and some were married, and some prefer to stay low. It's just hard to look for one.

I've always been admire girl-best-friend. I don't know how they could just sit and be best friend in a large group of best friend. I tent to get jealous when it comes to friendship that I wish the friend could just not being picky in placing her 'ALL TIME FAVORITE'. Instead of just that, why don't she treats all to just fair and square? Better, isn't it?

TO THE AWESOMENESS OF A FRIENDSHIP

LILY IN REALITY

ALYSON HANNIGAN

I wish to find my Ted, Barney and Robin as soon as possible. 

To the not so casual atmosphere anymore, come a comfort.

As-salam

I am actually having a break from my study towards my exam tomorrow. Was thinking, the atmosphere here just not so pleasant and casual anymore. The oxygen kind of leaking of something. Turns out, I could not breath in peace. Maybe it is just me. Just, I don't know. I give it a lot of thought that things may not be as it used to these passed few years. New environment, some new change of life. I don't know if I have the right guts to face it. 

I noticed how tough my life gets. I mean, to the busy schedule of no more fooling around, with no people to hold on to - except for few same people. Others keep on giving craps to me, like so. Plus, maybe a new best friend since one get away. But, it all seem like not enough to help me through the day. I am just scare of everything. 

Towards one major change of life, I had prepared nothing just yet. I had my head straight for the exam (sort of straight, I don't know!). Maybe I will have everything figured out later, once I am home, having all the people I love around me, and have a talk to them about this. 

But, few days back, I have this one real conversation with this friend of mine. Amazingly, I can really have like a heart-to-heart talk with her with all the pleasantness and sincerity around - it a her. And, I am glad that I did have the talk. It sort of ease the heart a bit. And, really can't wait for the next move. 

Apa erti sahabat?

As-salam

Aku tak tahu sama ada aku makin poyo, sibuk nak kejar dunia dewasa sampai tegar tinggalkan kegilaan dunia remaja secara total, atau dia sendiri yang dah berubah. Aku sibuk canangkan pada dunia tentang dia, dan aku tahu dia pun canangkan perkara yang sama. Cuma, berapa rapat aku kenal dia? Dan sejauh mana pula dia kenal aku? Itu yang menjadi persoalan sekarang.

Boleh dikatakan aku tak tahu menahu langsung apa yang terjadi dengan hidup dia. Memang kadang-kadang aku atau dia akan mesej tanya khabar, tengah buat apa, bila balik, tapi semua tu hanya berhenti setakat itu sahaja. Sedih, kan? Kawan baik cuma hanya di mulut sahaja.

Bila dapar khabar tentang dia, aku betul-betul terkejut. "Apa dah jadi?", aku tanya. Dia cuma balas, "Nanti aku dah balik aku mesej kau, okay? Aku tengah bersosial ni". Aku terkejut juga dengan jawapan tu, cuma aku gagahkan hati, sedapkan hati sendiri. Jam dah pukul 12.00 kot? Masih di luar?

Aku memang kenal dia sebegitu, cumanya aku ingat zaman foya-foya kami dah lama tamat. Tapi, rasanya tidak! Entah! Aku jadi tak tahu nak cakap macam mana. Betul la cakap orang, "Makin kita kenal seseorang tu, makin kita nak menjauhi dia".

Terbukti benar.

Tapi, aku tak akan sekali-kali tinggalkan dia. Aku cuma sedih dan sedikit kecewa. Itu sahaja. 

Double the laughter.

As-salam 

In my previous entry, I wrote about one typical thing about friends. Now that the entry had became one big reality, we just have to work this out. Do as planned. And, that's it. But, simple thing may something be more burdensome than one more complicated. The thing is, now that you know how they were - fake act and fake smile, do nothing about it. Smile. Their laugh can only be heard now, not then. While, we can laugh now and laugh even harder when they finally realize how stupid they were. 

Double the laughter.

Friends, judge them by counting who sit near you when things are falling apart, and who sit the longest. Most people have amount of friends only when they reach the top, not when they met the bottom. So, now that you know the truth, stick it to your mind, to never trust anybody except you.

Honest opinion, been there.

We all got one secret life.

As-salam =)

People may seems so fine on the outside, yet could be really different as you get to know them well. Or, in certain cases, you don't need to know them real well. The color will somehow glitz. As for somebody in early sweet 20th, 'secret life' is not so secret anymore, compared to one during the teen phase. Correct me if I am wrong, okay? I speak more to myself that I believe most people experienced almost the same things as I did. For me, life is not so secret. It's more to sacred. OK. Just today, I am not pointing about 'how sacred life can be', OR, anything about sacred.

A young adult like myself thought that, secret life in no secret to most of family members. Just, to some friends we might find not so compatible to be with - most of time. I categorize my friends to some stages, most of them. It's not my real intention to hide what am I doing, OR what exactly am I doing. It's just, 

--something are better left unsaid--

It's better that way, to keep the warmness of the relationship between friends that as far as I know, friends tend to talk back once in a while. So, as an early prevention, I choose ti just shut.

In the end, it's really up to me.

As-salam =)

Second entry for today. Ideas suddenly pooped up off the head, pushed my fingers to dance at the keyboard. It's always something when it comes to people around us. Sometimes, it's just hard enough to describe what and how are they thinking. And, most of times, we end up misunderstood them. Am I right? So, as for me, I had learnt a big lesson today. I learnt that,

"People may seems just nice enough - most of time right in front you. But, deep inside them, you might not gonna realize 'the strategy' they are playing to beat you up. The moment you knew, it would be too late to cry. But, here's the good part! You can always learn from it".

This one is priceless, and it's mine! =)

Am I hurting anyone??

 Most of friends prefers to talk to others before making a move. But, this strategy end up making them miles back behind others; it slows them down. People have this fear of  'to hurt' - fear of hurting others. Actually, too afraid that they might coincidentally hurt others. Nonsense! You can always apologize, right? So, what's up with that kind of thought?

We made decision, whether to go left or right.

I've been in the incident, where I could consult with this one friend of mine - used to be so close. But, it ends up with all this incident of stabbing at the back, sour faces and do not talk to one another. And now, I realize, that I could always consult with anyone I wanted, but the decision is always on me. He/She not suppose to decide on what and how I should do. They can just share the thought. The rest is on me.

But, by doing this, I can clearly see the falseness of screwed friendship. I've seen it before, just I keep forgetting about how hurt it is to be stabbed. I purposely forgetting it so that I could easily forgive and forget. But, since 'things' are just like what it used to be, then I'll say, "Gotcha, faker!".

Gosh, you are fake!!

When things are just hard enough, you insisted to put rock on me.

As-salam

Things are just getting worse these days. We were falling apart, doing own things and not considering loyalty and spirit. It's just, I am glad that you can finally feel and see everything I've been through. 

"When things are just hard enough, you insisted to put rock on me" 

(Yaya Qiestina, 2012)

I am more matured now, thanks to you. But sorry, by matured, it doesn't mean to easily forgive and forget of what you did to me when everything turns it back on me. You just make my day hard enough to live, with the fake smile and acts. Damn, hate it! Now, that things has finally reveal the true you, I am glad. So that you can learn to give-and-take and to consider - not taking control of everything as if you are just best enough! I don't know how many times I might need, but I am still hurt.

I knew all about the 'talking bad' behind my back, believe me. It is so obvious that you are that somebody who could talk bad about others. Now, its your turn to experienced it. So, good luck, then! I considered myself as one good friend since I can actually wish you best luck :P

I don't give a damn about what might be happening. The thing is, I don't really care. Serve you well. Remember the quota,

"What goes around, comes around" - 

No room for prejudice.

As-salam =)

(This is what I wrote. Something about friendship 6 JAN 2012)

Sometimes, I wonder, did I know what's the meaning combinations of letter F, R, I, E, N and D? It pronouns as FRIEND, refer to somebody; anybody in life that be there for you most of times, or one at a time.

I have always ending my year or my semester with forgiving people and forgetting bad memories. Sometimes I forgot and slipping the good memories too. As years passed, I became more mature in the way I think and look at things, yet still need some adjustments on certain stages.

Year 2012, is one good year for me to restart of what I’ve been missing for one passed month; friendship. We so busy hating and talking bad about each other’s (sometimes, especially when peak hours). We blame one another, show sour faces, have prejudices, etc. I forgot about how close we were back then. Did you remember about how strong we stood, backing each other up on that night of orientation? It was lovely. And that’s what we’ve been missing throughout these years.

Fiza, Jenab, Mimosa and me, we went to Info Centre this late afternoon to online. We had this really great laugh. There is no room for hate and prejudices. Just us, FRIENDSHIP.

=)

I think I miss you guys more than ever. 

Me and Jenab at Raya 2009

OK, so childish! And even look like one (back at 2009)

One of my happy moment; be with my CHENTA and  BESTIZE

Where I wish things could stay

Cherish the moment together 

Back to a moment when there is only 'immaturity'

My sweet Zoela :)

Only us <3