Showing posts with label personality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personality. Show all posts

Friday, November 23, 2012

Fake kindness and bla bla bla.

As-salam

Sudden, random entry for the night. My youngest sister suddenly mention about a friend of mine - not longer exist. She said, "Tiyah, shasha ingat lagi dulu friend tiyah punya rumah ada benda ni. Shasha main dengan atok dia, adik dia ... bla bla bla!". My reaction was, **sudden freeze** OMG! She remembers it? Damn! She said for him to be kind to me, helping me, bla bla bla! I kind of shocked and emotional - a bit. I said, "I am no longer be friend with him. He's no good person. You don't even mention him again, okay?, when I was playing Pictureka game with her. 

Fucking faker - fake smile and kindness.
Big fakers - fake to show kindess
It's hard to look at the pass. I don't even want to remember any of it anymore, even though the pass made me who I am today. It's better to not mention it at all. Yes, fakers are everywhere. Fakers tend to show kindness, like 'oh, I am so perfect. I helped people and I love animals', like WTF? Ah, give me a break! So damn annoying and heart-ache, oke? 

I found several almost-be-a-fakers who always practice kindness and hardworking-ness, like 24/7! Just, they are not all the time annoying, just sometimes. But I am still okay with it, really.

So, spot your own fakers and be more cautious about it. Learnt from mistakes made and never turn back as it will hold you down and walk you slow. 







Monday, October 29, 2012

How much I struggle now to cover up the pass.

As-salam

A person mention to me few days back, about why I struggle so much in my study although I have confirmed to 'be a teacher'? Hmm.. I wonder why. It has been in my mind for quite sometimes ever since I walk in to this IPG. I asked myself, WHY? 

To be honest, the real reason about why I struggles so much is, I SCREWED UP MY PASSED LIFE! I don't struggle enough back then, too busy having fun as a teenager. I don't get best result in my SPM, although I think I could be better. I am also stupid as a teen. So, I try to made it up, especially for my dear parents and family. I want them to know how well I grow up as a young adult - covering up all my weakness when I was in my teen. I want them to be proud of me. I once had this bad fall in life that I lost most part of life, including person whom I thought was a best friend ever and family's trust. It would be bad if I still be in the same boat as four years before, right?

A person BEFORE and AFTER

I am basically try to be better in person - towards friends and family. But, it seems like I don't know my  real achievement towards friends since I have 'finger counting' friends, and only few person whom I can put my fully trust on. But it's okay :)

I pray hard to be a better one. 

I hope most of my friends are doing the same as me - being more mature towards life. 

InsyaAllah.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Move the stupidity somewhere else.

As salam



I certainly am not in quite pleasant mood. I suffered from noises and lack of sleep - even if I could and should sleep like a baby. There is a time when people should pay more attention to the surrounding, of what it might speaks. People agreed to the stupidity. Yes, it's so stupid that you might want to yell the hell out of you. Sometimes, we might not even want to concern or know things, we ignored it - even if it happens right on the face, but we can't help it. The forces of the stupidity are just so strong. 

We react based on the natural and normal reaction of human being. For example, A is acting crazy and always put burdens on B, like always. What would you do? 

I am not going to answer that 'cause my answer will never change a thing. Just going to be sour face and heart-ache. For the safest method of all, I just continue to live my life, do and care for my own things - even if it's hard to do so. 

Believe me.


Friday, March 30, 2012

To see in other perspectives - I AM LIMITED EDITION!

As-salam =)

I tend to see how others treat me as threat. Not everybody, just somebody. I take it too seriously that sometimes I begin to stress myself out - like working harder, rest shorter. As I woke up today, I suddenly start to view things in other perspectives, the perspective I never thought of. I put myself with others place to rationally think about WHY? they start to treat me that way. 

And I found one reasonable answer. Answer to all my doubtfulness all these years. Only one answer valid this question. And it is,

"I AM GOOD" - 

I used to think myself as a failed person in every categories; as students, daughter and woman. I view myself as a person with lack of personalities with many weaknesses. I do not know my own strength, really. But, since some of that somebody start to ditch me and play rough on me, it lends me to this one critical thinking.

WHY?

"BECAUSE I AM GOOD!" Like this incident where one of the teacher file a complain about me. I wonder what my teaching had to do with him that he filed up a complain? Then, I realize that he somehow threatens by me.  Really! I was told about his ambition and aim to be 'Guru Cemerlang'. Maybe he saw some potentials in me - the way I handle my class for the first time ever AND, I did better than him in pass. Right! I am pretty sure about this. Other wise, he won't feel this uneasy. Am I right?

To be honest, by thinking in other perspectives made me appreciate myself more. This incident made me realize about people desperation to be on top of the world - what they tend to do to others. Some may step on others, while a little choose to do this the right way. 

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT?

Other perspectives.

I must tell, this may lead to heart-ache. Even I did. I even cry to myself regarding the matter. But now, I found a solution about how to cope up with things like this. And it is, TO VIEW THINGS IN OTHER PERSPECTIVES! By perspectives, I really mean, many point of views. Try it! It maybe the second best medicine other than pray to Allah S.W.T. 

Many other perspectives.

Not everybody have strength to do this. Some may just drown into their own tears and tend to run away from the reality - reality about how tough life is. For me, it's good to still stand and fight for myself for Barakah, even after few stepped really hard on me. My way of doing this is, TO VIEW THINGS IN OTHER PERSPECTIVES!

Try it. It works.

And, that is why I AM LIMITED EDITION!



This 22 years old girl is currently changing her goal in life. She's aiming for something higher yet clearer. But, whatever in life you aim to do, just do it with good intention, then Allah S.W.T will help too. InsyaAllah.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

In the end, it's really up to me.

As-salam =)

Second entry for today. Ideas suddenly pooped up off the head, pushed my fingers to dance at the keyboard. It's always something when it comes to people around us. Sometimes, it's just hard enough to describe what and how are they thinking. And, most of times, we end up misunderstood them. Am I right? So, as for me, I had learnt a big lesson today. I learnt that,

"People may seems just nice enough - most of time right in front you. But, deep inside them, you might not gonna realize 'the strategy' they are playing to beat you up. The moment you knew, it would be too late to cry. But, here's the good part! You can always learn from it".

This one is priceless, and it's mine! =)

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Am I hurting anyone??

 Most of friends prefers to talk to others before making a move. But, this strategy end up making them miles back behind others; it slows them down. People have this fear of  'to hurt' - fear of hurting others. Actually, too afraid that they might coincidentally hurt others. Nonsense! You can always apologize, right? So, what's up with that kind of thought?

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We made decision, whether to go left or right.


I've been in the incident, where I could consult with this one friend of mine - used to be so close. But, it ends up with all this incident of stabbing at the back, sour faces and do not talk to one another. And now, I realize, that I could always consult with anyone I wanted, but the decision is always on me. He/She not suppose to decide on what and how I should do. They can just share the thought. The rest is on me.

But, by doing this, I can clearly see the falseness of screwed friendship. I've seen it before, just I keep forgetting about how hurt it is to be stabbed. I purposely forgetting it so that I could easily forgive and forget. But, since 'things' are just like what it used to be, then I'll say, "Gotcha, faker!".

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Gosh, you are fake!!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Okay, semuanya nak ikut orang!

As-salam =)

Bila sudah namanya perempuan, memang sungguh irrational bila bab kecantikan, setuju? Kebanyakannya lah kan..terutamanya bila pilih baju, kasut, tudung, accessories atau barang make-up! Aku? Of course lah aku termasuk dalam senarai ni. LOL. So, since today aku sangat lapang, aku mula blog-walking. Objektif utama ialah untuk 'merisik-risik' pasal beauty segments. Satu perkara yang aku masih tak mampu untuk get it right ialah berkenaan dengan concealer & foundation. Sigh! Muka jenis kering ni kalau silap sapu boleh nampak kesan menggelupas tu. Itulah masalah terbesar aku sekarang. But, by foundation, I don't mean it to be something thick macam untuk ke majlis-majlis besar. Cuma sesuatu yang ringkas dan mudah dipakai sehari-hari.

Kalau dulu, aku memang pengguna setia produk Mustika Ratu. Dari penjagaan rambut, hinggalah ke alat solek. But, propa je lebih 'cause aku cuma beli set shampoo dan alas bedak :p

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Kuning langsat untuk kulit normal/kering

Overall, produk ni memang produk yang paling sesuai dengan kulit aku ^ ^ Tak nampak heavy macam off-occasion! Dan yang paling penting, kulit tak nampak menggelupas dan tahan lama. Habis sahaja satu botol terus beli baru. Harga jual dekat Jusco Perda ialah RM5.90 sahaja, okay? ..dengan menggunakan Kad Jusco, of course! Hehe. But, in some kiosk, you may find the price is nearly RM10.00. Cekik darah, kan? Dah setahun rasanya tak guna alas bedak ni, tapi bukan sebab tak elok ke apa. Cuma sangat malas dah nak keluar bersiap lebih-lebih. Cukup sekadar krim dan bedak kompak. Krim tu pun already have sun-block. So, sayonara sun-block. Bedak kompak pun nipis-nipis sahaja - tujuan untuk ratakan krim dan bagi tahan lama.

Tapi, rasanya macam nak cuba jenama lain jugak! Teruja tengok BB CREAM yang berlambak di pasaran. Dah survey beberapa jenama. Tukang promot barangan ni kebanyakannya comel-comel belaka, so rasanya aku memang dah termakan dengan umpan tu. Even though aku sedia maklum tentang perbezaan kulit, tapi aku gigih jugak budget untuk beli benda-benda tu.

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SUPER BB CREAM

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BAVIPHAT BB MAGIC GIRLS

COLOR NATURATOR

Semuanya dalam pemerhatian aku sekarang ni. For tonight, aku jadi sangat tertarik dengan COLOR NATURATOR, ok? Ada satu blog ni telah memuatkan entri tentang macam mana nak apply this thing. Untuk tutorial tu, beliau telah menggunakan item CODE 171. Penggunaannya lebih untuk menutup 'mata panda' kita semua, terutamanya anak gadis yang masih belajar - tidur tak cukup tu adalah mesti!. Hasilnya, sangat mengagumkan! Seriously, aku terpaku!

SEBELUM

SELEPAS

TAPI, lepas make-up, memang so cute and looks so damn natural! For now, really tak putuskan lagi nak carry on dengan jenama apa. But, despite of all three brands, I may say this 'Baviphat' leads the way. Sekarang kan 'demam Korea', so everything much looks at least almost the same. Paling cikai pun kena ada barang-barang (terutamanya alat solek!) ala-ala Korea. Definately not me lar! Aku dah tak beli barang ikut trend semasa semata-mata. Banyak yang perlu ditimbang tolak sebab beli barang untuk pakai lama.

(Untuk maklumat lanjut mengenai produk COLOR NATURATOR, klik sini)

So, until it is decided, you go browse yourself about which brand suits you best! Ini sebagai cadangan sahaja ^ ^ dan sebagai penghilang bosan di Malam Tahun Naga. 

LOL.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Not yet married.

As-salam =)
I am not yet married. But sort of engaged. In Islam, the moment the man express his thought to have her as his wife, the woman is considered to be engaged, even with no witness and writing. I have a story to share with you guys. We went to dinner just now. I really do not know how to dress tonight. I pull one of my unfolded long sleeve shirt out of my basket. I thought this baby blue would be nice, just the shirt is short. So, I thought of wearing it along with my skirt-attached pants to cover up my bottom. Okay, decided then. At the restaurant, hubby asks about what am I wearing? I knew it would come out. So, I explain myself of why I have the shirt worn with the pants to cover up my bottom and so on. Then he said, "Sayang, ini bukan seluar. Tapi legging." To cut short the conversation, I translated of the whole thing he said to the man version of talking (just so you know, man always talking indirectly :p) 

Legging is not pants and it looks sexy on me (Okay, since I gained weight. The tight are really showing. The curve is much obvious now!). But what he really means was, I am not suppose to wear that there, at least not to be matched with a short shirt. 

I get his point. InsyaAllah =) I am praying for that, to be more alert or aware about the way I dress and how I handle myself. I am assisting myself now to be a good wife later. Despite of most of thing I did, I try to look it on how a wife should do, should really behave herself.

InsyaAllah.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Like seriously, no guarantee.

As-salam

I was browsing through my albums of snapshot just now. Most things about me had changed. And some of it just vanished that I started to change into this much mature and grown up a.k.a adult. It’s not that I missed my old self, just I truly grateful to God to have lend me this opportunity to become His better servant :’(

I am grateful to have met him. He changed most things about me, lending his hands for my rise and my fall. I begin to remember about time when my sister and I had this conversation about how mother is truly grateful about me behaved and starting or deciding to have the hijab on. I did know that, just I don’t have a clue about how happy she became and truly grateful to Allah S.W.T.
I begin to wonder, what if things are not like this. Will I stop being a spoil brat at the age of 22? When would I be at the weekend? No idea.
I pray for things to turn well.

I still have the anger inside of me but it’s in control position that I starting to think clearly, most of time minus the ‘full moon’. Just, I can’t help it when it comes to ‘the third person’. I could lose control that I surely will slap or punch her and talk stupid out load and even could spits on her. Don’t try me because there’s no guarantee that I can feel my arms or control my body, like seriously.

But, whatever it is, I pray for it to not happen so that my bad habit will remains a secret until I graduated.

2006
2008 - Raya AidilFitri Jab. PJK IPGKTB

Willingly to wear hijab - 2008
2009 - Not even stylish
2010 - Family dinner

2011 - Present: Full time hijabers. InsyaAllah.

Pray for me.

Thanks.  

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The day is here

As-salam =)

Do you still remember how tough your teenage life is? I know I do. Sometimes, I have this guilty and some regrets towards what had happened. But, your pass life is what made you into what you are today. So, have some faiths in it. =)

It was a shock to know some of teenagers I knew are really having trouble finding themselves, even they seem fine to me, really! No rebellion, no nothing! And most of it, is about this something called L O V E ! Hmm.. LOVE may drove people to do crazy things, not just teenagers!



Cut wrist is one common solution teenager would do in order to 'solve' the problem. Ironic, isn't it? But, it's true! Cut wrist doesn't meaning cut the wrist off. No. Just cut for the bleed. Creating scars that some teenagers find it cool. Cool? I try to put myself in my teenage life again. And yes, cut wrist is cool... really! For stupid teenagers, yes! Level of stupidity? Unknown!

Bad in fluent! 

But, to be honest, some teenagers find to be called as, 'stupid', 'bitch', 'hoe', 'hooker' and other names as a compliment. They love to be known as bad, or in this case, bad girl, so they would look cool and so up-to-date. My question is, up-to-date to what? Is cutting a trend now? No! So last season, dude! Even the grandma did it in her teenage life!

Family must really play their role in this kind of teenage's life. I don't decide how. Just, no babbling and no yelling, or even grounded. Please, grounded is not the way! Talk to them. Find a way to be their best friend. =)

I have one teenage sister whom I thought starting to struggle with the life. I am sorry for not being there for you. I made a mistake by not asking how your life been and how are everything. I am off to collage and rarely at home - once a month. I always thought of being a great sister is by not to stuck my nose into my sisters life. But, it's so not true! I must stuck inside yours to know how's everything going on, by being your friend first. I wish you could accept me as you friend. 

So, first thing first. Here is a simple guide line about how to deal with a teenage daughter/sister. Works for me. Hope this will help you out.


1. Get known everybody in her life (the best if to meet them!)
2. Clarify the body movements - how she reacts when meeting or talks to the friends. Detect whose got her special treatment.
3. Dig about this male person secretly but not obviously.
4. Never use arguable tone when talks about him - she could thinks you hate him. And if you do, explain softly to her about why you dislike the guy.
5. Always make things clear - explain about what do you like and dislike about the relationship and your hope.

I was a wild child back then. I was rebellious, really! So, the list I made was a simple suggestion guide of what I hope the parents would do. BE HONEST is the key to everything. =) 

Hardly earn RM40.00

As-salam =)


Gosh, finally I had overcome 'the bad day'! I thought like I was making a 'deal contract' - deal of a moment in a life time with Rumpelstiltskin, a character in Shrek Forever After. 
Deal of 'Waitress for RM40.00 pay' by Rumplestiltskin

You see, I thought of working this semester break and I did. I applied for a job as a waitress here at Laguna Club House. So, yesterday (10/11/2011), I went to work from 4.00 - 12.00 a.m, being paid RM5.00/hour. Add up is RM40.00 for one long tiring eight hours of my life. Sigh!

Imagine me as this waitress, okay?

As usual, I dressed in a white top and black bottom, and of course with the hijab on. But my white is not a 'kemeja', but a blaus, match with my black jeans. Sorry, I am not going to wear a slack. In fact, don't have one. But, it's funny about how I dress as a waitress since I am totally not looking like one, with 'selendang' as my hijab. I have this one female co-workers named, Nurul. She wore an instant hijab, tucked in her shirt, while I prefer let my hijab go free, as if I was go out shopping. LOL!

I hate being ordered, like seriously! So, there he is, a full time worker named as N ordered me around doing. "Hey you, collect plates!", "Hey you there, arrange the glasses!". Hello! You are not even a head-waiter! And if so, could you at least say a magic word, 'please!'. As a matter of fact, he's even younger than me! Gggrrrr! Hate him!

It was a weeding ceremony with only about 700 guests, yet I was almost break my legs and swell the arms. Seriously, feel like I've been doing a double session of P.T, as in physical training. Well, P.T is how an army usually say it. :p But much worst!

Oh, working is so hard. I must say, I really admired and salute those who work hard earning own pocket money. Me? My intention applied for the job was to pay for my broadband fees. I owed the company about RM100-RM150, I don't know! Babah, he said he could give me the money IF I agreed to stop working. Oh, Babah, just so you know, I quit already! Huh! Seriously, I only woke up at 12.00 p.m the next day.

I only thought for the best. I agreed to work because I didn't want to burden the family about my broadband things. You see, I thought I already paid it! I used to pay RM300.00 in total for my broadband for about a year for six months in row. But since Babah had no problem paying for my broadband, oh, I couldn't say no! Hehe.

So, yippy yeah for me! Bye-bye hard works, and welcome leisure!

p/s: By the way, I still owe mother some home chores. So, the payment for broadband is not free after all ;p

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

How to detect a girl child?

As-salam =)

'A girl child' - is not a girl with a child, or and out marriage girl, or a pregnant girl. It is a girl who got spoiled, pampered and high-fed. Okay, easier to say, 'manja' lar... Haha. Faham dah kan? Okay. I was browsing on the -e- for more news about girl issues, then I found this blog writing about 'a girl child'. And since I am on my revision break, then I'll re-write the story again. =)

Exciting entry isn't it? So readers, read it carefully. Are you one of the girl child?

Here are the criteria:

Girl who doesn't talk or fight much
  • Girls, known as one soft creature whom are suppose to be gentle and look gentle at all points of view. This type of girl often to not fight back, even with girls. She usually be or very obedient to orders even if she disagree at some points. And, even if she fights back, she will always remember to use soft tone to the other opponents. 
Girl with blanket/shawl

  • By shawl, I mean, a girl whom covered herself with shawl, not girl wears shawl. Girl wears shawl sometimes not a kind of a girl child. It is more like, trendy, daring and sometimes inpatient type of girls. But, it depends on how she rocks the look and the behaviors too, okay? The blanket or shawl often to be seen as a warm 'get away' from a trouble and uncomfortable for these girls. They just loved the way the material comforts them, as if they were being hugged by someone. That 'someone', you name it. It can be either from a friend, a special friend, family members, etc. But, the best way to spot a girl child is, when she bought it herself. Meaning, she really demands somebody to always be with her.
Girl with teddy bear or soft toy
  • I do agree that, teddy bear or/and soft toy is a girl best friend. As for myself, I do have some teddy bears on my bed. =) It were from the special someone. He said, I could hug it whenever I miss him or having a hard time with my life. You see! Even a man has his thumbs up on this! Teddy bear and soft toy represent softness, loyal, well pampered and warm qualities. So, indirectly, girls will have this qualities too. 
Girl hugging something while sleeping 
  • Have you ever notice how your female friend or female family members sleep? Well, a girl child just love to hug something whenever she asleep. It is a natural or spontaneous action to do whenever they are sleepy and going to sleep. Or, in a case of falling to sleep, like on a bus or in a car, where they don't have their 'sleeping buddy', note how she holds her together. It is a sign of a girl child. Gathered hands are a good alternative! Or, she could somehow accidentally hugs somebody (often to be somebody beside her) while she was asleep. =) Pretty easy to spot, right?
Girl who loves lotion and perfume

  • It doesn't always have to be lotion plus perfume. Just some pretty and sweet-sensed products. Whether if it's a baby oil, it can be counts. The warmness and the sweet smell of the products can ease up the tenses inside her. You can see that this type of girl always be cool and calm, even on a toughest obstacles. The sense helps to calm! Really! It is actually related to th first criteria, 'Girl who doesn't talk or fight much'.

And, fin! =)

The criteria are not always to be exact, but the numbers of criteria that suit you help to know how spoiled you are. And trust me, boys and men will always know what kind of girl are you.

Write down this useful remainder!

- "They always prefer a girl child" - 


Saturday, November 5, 2011

6 additional things inside my handbag

As-salam =)

I currently spending my last three days of freedom at Kuala Lumpur, to be exact, Sg. Besi. Okay, it was not my first time being here, but was my first since the last few years. Other than handphones and sometimes camera, I always carry some beauty products inside my handbag whenever I am going out in public. It is normal for a girl to have it carried with them. I prefer:
  1. Compact and loose powder
  2. A small bag of lip treatment - lip gloss and lip balm 
  3. A breath spray (I put it inside the small bag)
  4. Note book and a pen
  5. Perfume
But, if I live in KL, I would add 6 other things inside it - other than my beauty products, which are:
  1. A bottle of mineral water
  2. Tissues / oil bolting strips 
  3. Touch N Go card
  4. Travel 'telekung'
  5. Emergency top-up card/money
  6. Novel 
Okay. I've been on the LRT last two days as I reached here, taking one to Sg. Besi from Pudu. It was one uncomfortable experience to have to be squished inside it, along with two trolley bags, two backpacks and some handbags. I was sweating, man! Really hard! So, this is when I realize that KL people really must have item number 1 and 2! Seriously, okay? Item number 1, it is important to have yourself hydrated from time to time, for good and healthier skin.

Item number 4, travel 'telekung'. As a muslim, no matter how sexy you are, prayer is what a Muslim must do, 'wajib'! It is convenient to always carry item number 4, so you can perform your solah without worrying about finding yourself a clean 'telekung'.

For item number 3, since your are going to take the LRT, Touch N Go's card is what you must always have and to take along. I suggest, hang it on the neck OR keep it in a place where you can easily reach it for the your convenient. Really! If you are KL people and still don't have one, please, go get one! And, remember to always check the balance and refill your card from time to time. 

Same goes to item number 5 here. Always think of the unexpected, like emergency where you're missing the cab or exit to a different area as you walk out of the LRT, being robbed, or etc. Keep handphone near to you. Oh, and by handphone, I mean, an active handphone, filled with credits. And always have an extra top-up card attached or kept inside the purse. Keep the money separately! Have RM10 and RM50 or other amount anywhere on you - not only inside the bag. Since I am not a KL people, sometimes I go out with no cash on me, really! It was a bad habit, though! But, if you live in KL, please spare some money on you - even on a primary school child. It is best if the parents could supply the kids with handphone too. Actually I am not quite agree for the kids to have phone, but since I am talking safety here, I see a handphone as one of the must have item.

Okay, the last item, item number 6. Novel is kind of a friend whenever you stuck inside a busy and long journey on a LRT. Reading is one good habit to begin with.

Alert, it is not listed as one priority. Just a simple list of must have items. You can always add or remove some items I listed above. This is what I thought I would bring on my busy days as busy as a day in KL. So, modified it to fits you best!

Good luck =)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

How Confidence has changed my life?

As-salam =)

It was about 9 p.m. I was on my laptop browsing through the Google search about how to properly wash the face when I saw the entry on my dashboard. Okay, I glanced through, skimming and scanning the entry. I stopped at the end of entry. And I was like, “What? Give away perfume? Intense by Fergie?? It is so mine!”. I thought I could give it a try. =)

Okay. My conflicts about the confidence thing were starting at the age of early 13. I was fat back then. Really! I hate everything about myself. I always talk bad about how I look. I criticise myself like every day. I thought that if I am thin and slim, I may look more beautiful and people may accept and be friends with me. So, I planned my diet and my exercises. I work out like every day. I did skip rope, push-up, and sit-up and repeat the whole process for two hours straight. I don’t care if I am dizzy or tired. My aim is to be thin for people to love me. Okay. To cut short, I did lost weights. 14 kilograms in a fortnight! It all happens on the school holidays.

My friends are all shocked about how pretty I look. Pretty ker? At the time, I was so pleased due to my drastic changes. I gain friends. Yes, tons of them! But then, I realise, have lot of friends are not always a good thing. The thing is, you can’t really know who is one true friend, right? And being among them doesn’t make me feel much happier. I worried more. I always have this silly thought, “Who’s prettier?”. So, I did not really gain my confidences by going slim, yet I feel like a total lost. I can’t even find myself; my identity. As result, I isolated myself. Like years. I am friends with only small numbers of people, who am I thought are not better looking than me. Actually, it was just an excuse though, since I still cannot win the battle inside of me. I realise now that I am not a true friend! =(

It’s getting worse since I finish high school. I have this habit of being friends with only boys. Yes, you heard it right, friends with only boys! I thought by being mixing around with only boys could make them see that I am one perfect girl – girl of their dreams and desire. Again, I was making them as an excuse. Reality, I still not gain my confidence, even it has been years since I got slim. I don’t feel comfortable being around girls. I don’t do fashion and make-up, or even hair. I am suck at it! I just hate my face. And since I did the crash diet, my hairs are all falling and thinning. How in the world I could gain the confidence? Girls are all pretty and fashionable! They have charisma! But, not me! =(

Shasha and I =)


Years go by. It is 2011. And I am a proud 21 years old teenager with full of charisma and high confidence level. I begin to realise about how I wasted my teenage years by doing nothing about my confidence. It happened on the day my collage friends and I were sitting, talking about our high school life. They have such a great memory of their school time, but not me! I envy them for that. And that is when I stood up tells myself that it is time to make changes! And I did.

Believe it or not, I am now one of the top 5 students in my class. I improved myself by practise speech on mirror every time I have presentations to do. Well, do you guys have ever play ‘The Sims’. It doesn’t matter what serial, but the game had thought me a big lesson about gaining confidence. Notice that the sim (the avatar) always get promoted whenever they gained one point of practise speech? You see, game is not always a bad thing. =)

As in my previous years, I always avoid when it comes to sport. I just hate them! But, actually I am afraid that people might know how fat I am – butt going up and down (I was suffered from anorexia and bulimia). I get anxious when people complaint about my appearance. But not now! =) I am actually a physical education student. Jogging and physical activities are kind of my thing now. I do canoeing, netball, handball, football, hockey, badminton and even gymnastics. I really enjoy myself. I believe, if we were really enjoying whatever we are doing, it is a good sign about how much we love oneself and as indicator of the confident level; good and gaining.  

I am much happier now, really. My life had totally changes. I am friends and mix around with girls these days. The best part is, I am totally comfortable being with them, not comparing myself again.

Beauty is subjective. I can’t force people to say that I am pretty and totally stunning! I may look beautiful and gorgeous on one people eyes, but the others may have different thought about how I may appear. It doesn’t matter. As long as I have the confidence, I may live my life to the fullest.
It is one true story of mine. I understand if admin do not find it as one interesting story, but this is how I gain my confidences. And I am still doing it. I am improving myself, one step at a time.

But, somehow I hope my story may inspire others in finding their own confidence.

Thank you for reading. =)



Monday, October 24, 2011

PART1: Aku pun hodoh juga!

As-salam =)

Dah lama sangat rasanya aku tak post dalam Bahasa Malaysia, kan? Tiba-tiba rasa rindu! Post dalam BM ni lebih senang nak express feeling. Oh, sudah! Dah jadi ‘bahasa rojak’ daa... Haha inilah akibatnya kalau lidah terlatih dengan satu perkara saja. Jadi sikit kekok! Tulis dalam BM pun ayat susah nak keluar ‘bahasa pasar’. Asyik-asyik ‘bahasa baku’. Hmm..

24.10.2011 – 12.45 tengahari :
Aku masih di sekolah, berehat-rehat di Bilik Sakit yang mama dan aku hias. Pedih rasanya muka ni dek bahang sang matahari. Sg. Petani dah makin panas sekarang. Pukul 10.00 pagi pun teriknya hingga menangkap ke kepala. Pening! Asyik-asyik expose to sunlight! Kalau hari-hari macam ni, bila baru boleh aku cerah balik?

Mama baru aje kol aku, minta aku ke naik ke kelas 3 Maju. Sesi bergambar la! What else? Mama minta aku tangkap gambar ruang-ruang kelasnya. Mama sangat eager, seolah-olah macam satu arahan pula! Haha. ‘kau tak buat, kau mati!’. Takutnya! So, aku pun dengan malasnya melangkah ke blok sebelah dan naik ke tingkat satu. Tangkap gambar sikit (ambil syarat jek!) then turun balik ke Bilik Sakit.

Mata aku tertancap ke satu sudut. 

PONDOK REHAT

Aku teringat lagi satu kejadian yang berlaku sembilan tahun lepas di pondok rehat tu. Aku, Jannah, Bariah dan Nadhirah memang empat sekawan. Anak pegawai, so seolah-olah kami ni already build up a team. Lebih serasi. Plus, hidup pun  berjiran. Sembilan tahun lepas, aku berumur 12 tahun. Aku sangat hodoh – berbadan besar, mata sepet, berkulit gelap, gigi tak tersusun, bau badan, kurang cerdik, tak aktif, kurang berkemahiran, dll. Dalam selection untuk persembahan Hari Anugerah Cemerlang, nama aku langsung tak tersenarai. Sedih! Sedangkan kawan-kawan aku yang lain semuanya dipanggil untuk persembahan tersebut. Tinggallah aku sorang-sorang terkontang-kanting.

Aku kecil hati! Aku sangat terasa!

Bukan salah kawan-kawan, tapi salah cikgu yang menilai! Bila dah dewasa dan bakal menjadi seorang guru, aku lebih faham kenapa cikgu tak pilih aku. Cuma, kata-kata yang cikgu tersebut lontarkan pada aku ketika tu membuatkan aku lebih mengasingkan diri. Aku tak yakin! Aku malu dengan diri sendiri! Di pondok itulah aku menangis semahu-mahunya. Aku tak peduli budak-budak lain yang lalu-lalang. Persetankan!

Bila di IPG, satu kejadian yang hampir serupa berlaku pada aku. Aku terus teringat kejadian masa di sekolah dulu. Kejadian ni lah! Aku seolah-olah hilang keyakinan diri. Aku kembali rasa hodoh! ... and major looser! Bukan mudah untuk aku bangkit semula dari kejatuhan. Tak mudah! Masa yang aku ambil sangat panjang dan kadang-kadang aku terbawa-bawa perasaan tu. Aku tak professional!

Di usia yang hampir mencecah 22 tahun, perlahan-lahan aku bina keyakinan aku terhadap diri sendiri. Aku mula sayangkan diri dengan beri lebih peluang untuk aku perbaiki kesalahan. Aku belajar untuk kurangkan sikap ‘perfectionist’. ‘Perfectionist’ sebenarnya hanyalah alasan yang aku reka bagi menutup kelemahan aku mengawal emosi, terutama apabila masyarakat di sekitar bercerita tentang kekurangan diri aku. Aku selalu ingat yang aku mampu memuaskan hati pelbagai pihak dalam satu masa, tapi tak! Aku salah! Aku bukannya Malaikat. Sedangkan Nabi-nabi terdahulu pun berbuat dosa kepada Allah S.W.T, inikan pula hamba biasa di akhir zaman. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Excuse me, you have body odor!"

As-salam =)

Body odor is an unpleasant odor that oozes from a person's body. I am positive enough that everybody had experienced body odor. We all have body odor! It is all about how we manage oneself, eliminating the unwanted odor of the body. My experience of the situation is barely about what female friends do to be more hygienic. 

Image Detail

Female, we suffered more of this body odor, especially during the 'full moon' days. Right? Me too! It happens to me like always. Below is a short list about how I manage myself during my 'ladies day' :

Image Detail
  • Bath, like often. Use bubbly soap with refreshing fragrant (I suggest lime or lemon!). Buy yourself a sponge to really get the stubborn odor out of the body (But my idea of buying myself a sponge is to really get this girly feeling. LOL!)
  • Wear clean cloth. OR, if you're in my situation (living at hostel - cutting cost on laundry), once you detect even slightly unpleasant smell coming from the cloth, throw it in the laundry bucket like ASAP! It is a signal of growing bacterias.
  • Use fragrant. I use fragrant like always, even on my weekend at my hostel. By fragrant, I mean NOT APPLYING PERFUME! Just body lotion or deodorant will do! =)

Hear me out girlfriend! It is all about disciplines! 



Bad body odor really means poor disciplines managing the hygiene. It is such a shame that we, girls and women can't even take care of the body properly. If this happens to you, it is a signal that you are not ready with relationship stuffs. Like, trust me!

So, bath always!


Here are some additional tips I found on the internet. So, let's eliminate bad body odor, girls! Start on a self project now!!!! 


Tips

  • If you are experiencing unusual body odor, schedule an appointment with your physician. However, while you are waiting to be seen, there are a few strategies for controlling the unpleasant smells: Pour 1 cup of hydrogeine peroxide in your bath water. Wipe the area where the odor is coming from with white vinegar. Finally, in areas that heavy prespriation occurs, use baby or talc powder.

Be better, be more hygienic! 

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Home made Skin Bleaches

As-salam =)

Bleach the skin, how does it works? And what make it works? I've seeing this one beauty center advertising about 'bleaching'. They claim to enlighten the body skin through this procedure called 'bleach' technique. With what, I don't really know. Laser, perhaps? After all, I can guarantee you that most customers eager to get fast result. Right? That's why they paid the beautician for.

Fast result but too many side effects are not worth paying for. So, let's get traditional. Use natural remedies that can easily find in our kitchen. For this, you might need:

  1. Orange peels
  2. Raw milk
  3. Almonds
  4. Honey
  5. Few grams of flour
  6. Tumaric
  7. Lemon/lime juice
  8. Milk cream
Read the following instructions:
(This are several methods that readers can do. Your choice!)

  1. Make a citrus paste to lighten your skin. Take the peels of oranges and dry them in the sun until hard. The citric acid in orange (and lemon) is said to have bleaching properties. Grind the fully dried peels into a fine powder. Add raw milk to the powder to make a paste. Apply the paste to your skin one to two times daily, leaving on the skin for 10 to 15 minutes. Wash the paste off with warm water when it has dried completely.
  2. Use almonds to make a paste for bleaching skin. Soak almonds in water overnight and peel them in the morning. Make a paste and add a few drops of honey. Apply the paste onto your skin, scrubbing it off thoroughly when it has dried.
  3. Make a paste for lightening skin with gram flour. Mix two spoons of gram flour, a pinch of turmeric, three drops of lemon juice, and a few drops of milk cream into a smooth paste and apply to the skin. Wash thoroughly when the paste has dried. This paste can be applied to the entire body.


Imagine, such a beautiful girl; long healthy hair, fair complexion, drolling body shape, sexy lips, fine attitude ... BUT with dark armpits sit beside you table showed hers by incident. What would you think? If I were in her shoes, I would pack up my things, wrap the food I ordered and leave. It is so embarrassing for a girl or a woman to have 'not-so-beautiful- armpit. Yes, people can argue about why should a female (when it comes to armpit, people will easily appointed to female rather than male) have a clean and beautiful armpit (no dark shades). 


One point can answer it all.

  1. Most of women will get married some day. Do you want the husband to see the dark shades of your armpit? When one get intimate, armpit is one of the sensual part of the women body. Remember that!
Well, I think I clearly made my point. =) Women with hair pits (I referred here as long armpit - more than 1 cm long) is a type of women whom are poor in hygiene. Think about the body odour. Yucks! 


Here, I attached some of related websites for readers further reading about the topic. It is so cool that you can actually do some experiments to one same idea, 'bleach'.

Read more: 

With Allah will, I do researches about how to choose deodorants. Okay? Sharing about this beauty stuffs are a total fun for me. =) 

Until next time.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

How to be yourself?

As-salam =)


Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 

Being yourself is celebrating you, as an individual - learning to express yourself and be happy with who you are. For some people, it's learning to love yourself, for others, it's not hiding who you are or changing things about you to fit in. So read on to know how to express the inner you.

Steps

   1. Define yourself. You can't be yourself if you don't know, understand, and accept yourself first. It should be your primary goal to find this out. Try to take time to yourself and contemplate your life and choices. Try to think about what kind of things you would or wouldn't like to do, and act accordingly; finding out through trial and error helps more than you might think it does. You can even take personality tests, but be careful to only take what you want from them and not let them define you. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you've made; they're done and in the past, so there is no use crying over spilled milk.



   2. Stop caring about how people perceive you. The fact is, it really doesn't matter. It's impossible to be yourself when you're caught up in wondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid?" To be yourself, you've got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter — not their consideration of you. Besides, if you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you, and you could go around in a vicious cycle trying to please people; it's totally pointless in the end, and it leaves you exhausted. However, if someone you trust and respect critiques aspects of who you are, feel free to judge (honestly) whether or not it is accurate instead of accepting or dismissing the critique unconditionally.

   3. Be honest and open. What have you got to hide? We're all imperfect, growing, learning human beings. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself — and you feel that you have to hide those parts of you, whether physically or emotionally — then you have to come to terms with that and learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks. Be honest with yourself, but don't beat yourself up; apply this philosophy to others, as well. There is a difference between being critical and being honest; learn to watch the way you say things to yourself and others when being honest.

   4. Relax. Stop worrying about the worst that could happen, especially in social situations. So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Learn to laugh at yourself both when it happens and afterwards. Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you're not perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too. It's also an attractive quality for someone to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously!

   5. Develop and express your individuality. Whether it's your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, then be proud of it... unless it's destructive to yourself or others. Be a character, not a type.

   6. Have a productive day. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and that some days you are the statue. People might raise eyebrows and even make fun, but as long as you can shrug and say "Hey, that's just me" and leave it at that, people will ultimately respect you for it, and you'll respect yourself.

   7. Believe in who you are. If you're always working to be someone you're not, you'll never be a happy person. Be yourself and show the world you're proud of the way you are! Nobody knows you better than you and that's how it should be. You deserve to be your own best friend, so start trying to figure out how you can do that. If you had to hang out with yourself for a day, what is the most fun type of person you could be, while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point. Love and accept yourself as you are now.

   8. Follow your own style. The common thing a lot of people do is copy other's actions because it seems like the better route to fit in, but really, shouldn't you stand out? Standing out is very hard, yes, but you need to try avoid assuming other people's perspectives of you. Even if it's not something you would normally do; that's what being yourself is all about. Maybe you like to sit outside on the deck under an umbrella in the middle of the rain, maybe you have different ideas of things, rather than other people, maybe you like strawberry cake instead of the common chocolate cake, whatever you are, accept it. Being different is absolutely beautiful and it attracts people to you.


Tips


    * There's a big difference between being yourself and being rude.You might have your opinions, dreams, and preferences, but so does everyone else. You shouldn't disrespect people who disagree with you; they have the privilege of being themselves just as you do. Conversely, don't agree with something you honestly don't think is right; just don't try to force your opinions on other people.

    * If fads or trends strike your fancy, don't avoid them! Being yourself is all about reflecting who you are inside in what you do, and what you like is what you like, no matter how trendy it is (or not trendy, for that matter)!

    * As the famous song goes, "Life's not worth a damn, until you can say 'I am what I am.' " When you can sincerely say it, you will know that you can be yourself.

    * If the people you care about are setting standards for you they are trying to change who you are.

    * Even if you are interested in something that doesn't interest most people, don't be afraid or hide it; stand up and show your true inner self. People will know how confident you are.

    * Don't worry about anything but being yourself and living life to the fullest!

    * If you have a habit that helps you escape your worries, e.g gaming or browsing the internet, stop going and face yourself and your insecurities.

    * In some cases, reducing Internet dependency might help you feel more "connected" to yourself. It may be easier to nurture your individuality without the perpetual distractions of the Internet. Try not going online for a while, and if this leads you to start feeling better about yourself, then you may want to consider replacing all the excess time you spend on the Internet with offline activities, such as hobbies or clubs.

    * Think about it this way: Being your weird, goofy self has some ups and downs. Some people might think you're weird, call you names behind your back, or laugh at you. But by far the majority of people will have the utmost respect for you because you are brave enough to stand up to these things. People want to make friends with people who have something special about them: whether they make them feel good, have a different sense of humor, or even something as simple as being a great cook. If everyone on the planet had the same attitude or personality, the world would be a boring place.

Warnings

    * It needs to be understood that "being yourself" does not have anything to do with forcing yourself to just do whatever you desire or pretending that you don't care how others perceive you. It is actually the process of listening to your inner feelings and maintaining personal integrity. If you are truly uncomfortable with your pimples or your size and that is impeding your self esteem, work on these things. If you are constantly getting angry and this makes you feel alienated, work on it.

    * Just because you don't care about how people perceive you doesn't mean you shouldn't be aware of it, especially in situations where being yourself might be misinterpreted. For example, you might enjoy being friendly and flirtatious, but in some cultures, that might be perceived as a sexual invitation, and you could get yourself in trouble.

    * Don't lose yourself when you're with other friends. Be yourself. Don't be someone else so other people will like you; in the end, you would end up hurting other people and losing yourself.
    * Don't think that being yourself means that you cannot change who you are. You want to be a person that you can be proud of, so if there is some way you can improve yourself, go for it. Don't allow your shortcomings to discourage you, but don't ignore them either.

    * Make sure that you can show the same "you" to everyone consistently. If you feel the need to be secretive about something wrong you've done, you are not really being yourself; it will show and misunderstandings will occur. Do what's right. You cannot truly be yourself unless you can face yourself.

    * Keep in mind that 'being yourself' is not always the right thing to do. Would you tell a despicable person to just be himself and not change a thing? No. Most of the time when people in general perceive you a certain way, it means you don't fit in to your society. Whether you want to fit in or not is up to you, but you are only setting yourself up for trouble when you neglect society's ways. (That is, unless you decide to live in a cave for the rest of your life.)

    * Nobody is perfect. However, if you are outrageously flawed (for example, have a short temper), then you should look into some self-improvement rather than ignoring everyone's cues and "being yourself." Don't deny yourself of the truth by saying it's everyone else's problem and not yours. You'll only be hurting yourself in the long run.

    * While you're being you, remember that "you" might have your flaws that might need to be changed, but only for the better (materialistic things/personality do not count, such as your favorite bag that everybody ridicules, or if you talk quietly). Goals and bad habits count. Say, you have bad acne and you've been stressing on it for a while. Don't say "well, 'I' have bad acne, and I want to be myself, so I'll give up on getting rid of it." Or if you have some bad habits, don't say "it's a part of me, that's the way it is," because you can still change yourself for the better and in ways which will make you grow.

    * Being yourself can be cool and can get people to notice you, but don't overdo it. Sometimes it's good to just go with the flow and not stick out like a sore thumb

    * Try not to mock people different to you; for all you know others could be making fun of you! Be better than them by setting an example.

    * Remember, everyone is showing you a mirror of yourself! You have 100% responsibility for yourself and your actions!